How do I control my monolithic erections?
I’m a 68-year-old man with an annoying problem: I only get erections in the bath… I’m not sure what brings on the ability to break beer bottles on my asparagus, but it happens every time! I wish I could transfer some of this ability to the bedroom for the Missus, as Viagra doesn’t do it for me. However, as soon as I get out of the water, my asparagus goes from majestic to “well steamed”.
Getting my wife in to the tub with me is not going to work because we both have arthritis, and the tub is quite small.
How do I control my monolithic erections?
Perhaps the heat of the water makes you relax, and maybe it helps with your arthritis pain at the same time? Try firing up the heat in your bedroom to the point where it would cook a small bird, and see what happens! If the temperature change doesn’t do it, you need to figure out what makes the right neurons in your brain fire away while in the bath.
Why not experiment while you wife is out of the house? Do and use all the same things in the bedroom, as you would in the bath:
- If you use those small plastic ducks in the bath — toss them in the bed…
- If you sneak some of your wife’s lavender oils in to the water — rub yourself with some it…
- If you drink a half a bottle of tequila in there — do the same in bed…
- If you use those small fuchsia coloured candles that smell like pork chops — buy a whole bunch and fire them all up…
- If you secretly listen to Abba’s greatest hits — get a stereo for the bedroom…
- If you play with the water faucet with your toes — install one your bed’s footboard….
- If “making bubbles” amuses you — pretend to make some in bed (leave a window slightly ajar)…
- If you fantasize about covering actress Charlize Theron in mashed turnips, and bacon grease — you want to try it with your wife in bed…
- Dog
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