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I was wondering what a hug after the second date means? I would have thought a kiss was due, but I’m not sure?

Is the hug after our date a sign that she’s not interested in me?

Kraft dinner might seem like a letdown when one craves a steak dinner… However, it’s still a little something that will tidy you over for the next time… You will know if she’s interested if she goes out with you again!

A handshake and a: “Don’t call me — I’ll call you!” would have been a worse scenario after a second date. I’m quite sure that there is no official list of things that are “due” after certain dates. Some women simply like to take their time before playing Tonsil Hockey or Hide The Sausage.

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- Dog

I went on a date with a great man (as I thought). We met at a New Year’s Eve party and he invited me out twice. Both times we had a wonderful time. I could tell that he likes me and of course I liked him too.

On the second date we went out for dinner, and it was easy and fun for us to communicate and there was lot of chemistry. We had such passionate kisses in the car after dinner that the car windows almost got steamy.

A couple of days later he asked if he could see me again — I said, “yes!” of course… But the same night when I went out with my girlfriend for a drink, and what do you think I saw when I walked in? He was at the bar buying a drink for another woman!

After he saw me he looked pretty much shocked! I was in double=shock! He kind of said, “hi!” and kind of introduced me to the other woman. He said he was sort of invited to the bar and the reception that was going on at that time.

I left him alone to be part of the reception, but the whole time he was talking to that other woman, who was very pretty and young. Steam was coming out of my ears! I decided to say something. I walked up to them and nicely asked to borrow “her man” for couple of words and made a “what a hell” face to him. He looked really embarrassed, and he didn’t know what to say… Finally he squeezed words out: “I’m kind of out on a date here, is that bad?”

Me: No, it’s great! It’s wonderful! I am very happy for you! I didn’t realize that you were booked that heavily and I thought you liked me!

Him: I do, I do like you! Can I call you tomorrow and explain everything?

Me: What the hell difference will your call make? Have fun!

And I walked way furious!

He called next day, thanked me for answering the phone and apologized for the absolutely awkward situations we had the night before, and that he was really, really sorry. He said he did not mean to hurt anybody, and it was a burden in his mind for the rest of the night. In a said voice he said that he did not feel that we where not committed at that point, and that he always had a good time with me but didn’t know me that well yet… The conversion ended him saying that he could see me again… Unfortunately he was sound pretty sincere, so I said that if he will make some effort, maybe I would see him again.

He called again later and asked me if he could cook dinner for me… I decided to let him do it, as not let him feel as such a bad guy…

We had the dinner, and of course it went very, very nice again. He was very much gentleman and we were so busy talking about some interesting stuff so it did not feel like bring up our uncomfortable incident again! He kissed me at the end very passionately…

I am pretty sure he will ask me out again… and I would love to go, as I like everything about him. Would that make me a doormat? Or should I make our last date — the last one?

I would love to give him a chance to know me, but will he respect me? What should I tell him?

I’m torn in the decision… I can’t stop thinking about him!

Would it make me a doormat if I saw him again?

Wow! He is good! He will be a legend in his own time! Other men will write songs and poems about him. Unfortunately you will not be around when he is worshiped…

I don’t think it would have made a difference even if you had caught him with his pants around his ankles at the bar…

Whatever I write here won’t make a difference: I think you are match made in heaven! You are incredibly gullible, and he plays an incredibly mean violin…

Thanks for your email! I’m sure it will give other people some perspective, and perhaps even a chuckle or two.

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- Dog

I’m at the end of my rope. I have had a strained relationship with my mother ever since I caught her and my husband in bed together ten years ago. I’ve tried hard to forgive her because she is my mom. Every time my relationship with her seems on the mend she’ll wreck it by saying something inappropriate.

Yesterday she said to me, “Dear, if you can’t satisfy your new boyfriend send him over to my house?” She scares off all the men I meet!

Please don’t suggest a three-way — she’s already suggested that too!

How can I keep my mother from meddling in my love life?

The positive way to look at your situation, is to say that your mother is involved, and takes great interest in your life. Many parents take a couple of decades off from their kids once they leave the “nest”. You should be grateful that you still have her around as it will save you a bundle in babysitting fees and Christmas presents.

However, I do sense your frustration when it comes to the men in your life…

Have you ever considered getting her a pet? Your mother having a new emotional outlet will most likely distract her from your boyfriends. It might also teach her to express her frustrations in new ways.

I recommend a dumb, but cute pet! Picking out a dumb one will ensure that she can’t teach it to perform horrifically perverted and disgusting things. No matter how desperate your mother is: don’t put animals in harms way! But at the same time it also needs to be cute enough for your mother to get emotionally attached to it.

Here are a couple of safe pets to consider: hamster, goat, guinea pig, rat, mouse, llama, parrot, and raccoon. Actually anything weighing less than seven pounds, or has jaws strong enough to bite off a finger could also be considered safe.

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- Dog

I am a 52-year-old male virgin who needs the advice of someone far more worldly, so I write to you. I am very “frustrated” but luckily there is this woman at work who keeps hitting on me. I know she really wants me bad. I don’t think she’s my type so I’ve resisted her advances.

Should I give up my virginity to her even though she’s not my type?

I say, go for it! You have waited for 52 years… and why? I’ll l tell you why… Because you are scared stiff of women in general! Saying that she is not your type is just an excuse. The truth is that “she is not my type” only comes in to play when you have options… If don’t have any — all women are your type!

Don’t worry. Just swing your stump pf broccoli for her and you will see that you will soon have her cleaning your place, and doing your laundry.

Original post and reply here: http://forum.askdog.com/index.php/topic,419.0.html

- Dog

I have a problem with our neighbour’s lovemaking… They seem totally oblivious to how far noise travels in our condominium complex.

They other night I planned a quiet dinner for my husband’s boss and his wife, but it turned out to be anything but quiet. Our dining room wall was assaulted by thumping the whole night, and their screams woke up our children, and agitated our dog to the point that he had an “accident” on the kitchen floor. The dinner was a disaster…

I have tried to talk to them before, but they are just telling me to mind my own business. It hardy seams fair that we should have to move because of someone else’s noise level?

How do I get them to watch their passionate screams and to move the bed a few inches?

I think you and your husband should give them some (or a lot) of their own medicine! Move your bed so that the headboard is up against their dining room or living room, and start “pounding” away! For maximum effect I do recommend passionate screams in German, so investing in an English-German dictionary might be well worth your while. Hanging pots, pans and empty beer bottles from the bed frame in order to increase the noise level is also a classic!

However, drunken filthy and perverted screams in German should be enough.

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- Dog

My wife always nags me about my eating habits. If I eat meat, she tells me to have vegetables. When I have vegetables, they are the wrong kind. If I chew with my mouth open, I’m told to close it. When my mouth is closed when eating, she wants to check what’s in there.

How do I stop my wife from nagging me about what I eat?

It sounds like she’s driving you crazy… From the look of things: “crazy” might be your only way out! It’s either flambéing her, or leaving here. A man needs his meat — plain and simple! There’s also only so much nagging a man can take…

Both options will solve your problem.

Bon appetite!

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- Dog

I’m in an online relationship, where I have been dating this guy for almost 8 months and we love each other. I feel that this guy is the one for me, and I’m thinking about setting up a real-life date.

My question is: Do you have any tips for a first date when meeting someone using an online dating service?

You haven’t even met the guy yet, so why not slow down a little bit with the proclamations of love? Everyone are not always what they seem to be, once you get past emails.

Ask for the following from the guy you have met online before actually meeting up:

1. Copy of his social insurance card, birth certificate, driver’s license, and passport.
2. Blood, urine and stool samples.
3. Sworn statements from his mother, co-workers, and all ex-girlfriends/wives attesting that he is not a nut-job.

The meeting place should be somewhere public: A Police Station is always a safe bet. Having him photographed, fingerprinted and swabbed for DNA could be a fun first date activity!

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- Dog

My wife always gets bitter and angry when I go over to my friend’s house for our Tuesday and Friday poker nights. His wife is not bitter at all - she even makes our sandwiches!

Why is my wife always bitter and angry?

There’s a classic Himalayan saying to goes, “Never pet your neighbour’s goat while your crazed one is biting your wife at home.” This essentially means that you should take care of things at home first…But then again, it’s also possibly that your wife is simply a whining little bitch that needs to find herself her own hobby.

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- Dog

My mother-in-law is giving me hell because I got my wife a vacuum cleaner for her 50th birthday. I can’t see what I have done wrong?

My wife has been asking for a new one for the last 14 years! She was crying tears of joy when cleaning up after all the festivities she had arranged for herself!

Why is a vacuum cleaner a bad 50th birthday gift?

Try talking to your mother-in-law. Explain your reasoning to her… Maybe she is just slow? She must realize that your wife has waited many years for the new vacuum cleaner, no?

I think this is just a big misunderstanding, which you can easily clear up with a heart-to-heart with your mother-in-law. It would probably be a good idea to have you wife present, unless she’s busy vacuuming something.

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- Dog

I’ve read that Casanova ate two-dozen raw oysters every day for their aphrodisiac powers. Is it true that oysters help with a man’s erection?

Oysters are the rocket fuel of natural aphrodisiacs!

If you are curious about trying nature’s own Viagra — wear gloves when shucking them! Nothing worse than being in a state of extreme arousal and having a deep laceration from a blunt oyster knife…

Also, nothing ruins the mood of your partner faster than a profusely bleeding extremity (except perhaps for an unexpected and explosive bowel discharge).

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- Dog