How do I know if I’m marrying the right guy?
I’ve been with this guy for almost three years — living together for over a year. He proposed at the end of November, and I said yes. I haven’t been excited about planning a wedding or building a future because my gut feeling tells me that he’s wrong for me. I was in an abusive relationship for 13 years of my life (I’m only 31 now) with a musician.
I miss the music in my life. I’ve taken up guitar, but it’s not the same. My fiancé is completely the opposite of my ex. I recently watched this band, and I’ve got a crush on a guy in the band. I can’t seem to stop thinking about him!
What is going on? I’m supposed to be getting married…
Is this telling me something? Should I risk losing my “nice guy” to take a chance on what is missing in my life: the musician lifestyle?
How do I know if I’m marrying the right guy?
The leap from “missing music in your life” to wanting to bed a musician is hardly logical… It’s actually kind of frightening to hear something as silly and immature coming from a 31-year-old… You should know better by now.
You ask: “Should I risk losing my ‘nice guy’ to take a chance on what is missing in my life — the musician lifestyle?” According to my math you were in an abusive relationship from age 15 to 28 with a musician… You are out of it for three years with a ‘nice guy’ who is committed to you, and now you want to get back in to the same kind of “environment” you were abused in?
There are a couple possibilities here. In the order of likelihood:
- You have psychological issues from your abuse, which requires professional counselling…
- You are incredibly stupid and immature…
- You have pre-marital jitters…
What you should do is to go in to some form of therapy with your fiancé… I have no idea if your current relationship is right for you or not, and you obviously have even less of a clue of what is going on… But abandoning something potentially amazingly good for you, because you go “frothy Margarita” over musicians is not very smart — at all… And that’s putting it very nicely!
You need professional counselling!
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