Ask Dog

I think I like a guy I’ve gone out with before. Recently he’s told me to stop liking him because he didn’t want me to like him because he likes another girl, so I did! Well, today he just told me he liked me, and he has never stopped liking me, and that he never really liked the other girl.

I really like him now. What should I do?

Can I like him even though he was in to liking that other girl?

Yes, go ahead and start liking him again… No licking though! Just liking… You know, the way you like the weather when it’s sunny and warm. Or the way you like to take that first crap, while drinking a leftover beer, first thing in the morning.

- Dog

I have been dating a man for 8 months and we have haven’t had sex yet. The thing is that he has problems getting or holding an erection… but that is not what is bothering me.

About 10 years ago, he dated men, until about 5 years ago when he started dating women but has not had physical relations with them. Am I just wasting my time or should I be more patient? I really love him and we talk about our future, but I want to know that I am in it for the right reasons.

Are his erection problems a sign that he doesn’t find me attractive sexually?

There can all kinds of reasons for male “equipment” malfunctions… Erection problems… What is he telling you? There is professional help available, both psychological and medical if he’s willing to explore those options.

If he only has had “issues” when being with women — well, then you both have important things to talk about… Is it possible that he doesn’t like the taste of pears because he has always been (and still is) interested in bananas? I’m sure that’s very possible… In any case, it’s not easy to forcefully try and fit a circle in to a square hole…

Perhaps he has always had problems with his “equipment”?

We are talking about basic primal needs and instincts here, and they are not easy to subdue, or ignore. Sooner or later, something will give… To make sure you don’t get completely pummeled when you have much more than 8 months invested in this: sort this thing out now!

- Dog

My girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She said she needs some space…

I tried to give her some space, and then she started talking to other guys! It made my feel horrible when she said that the “needs some space” actually meant that she did not even want to talk to me…

Well, I felt so bad that I kept trying to talk to her, and now she hates me! I really love her, and I want her back, but I don’t know how to do that.

How can I make her love me again, and not yell at me every time I try to talk to her? What did she really mean by “I need some space?”

Time to move on, bud!

The comedian Jeff Foxworthy says it best when it comes to the break-up line “needing space…” He says: “‘I need some space…’ is half-a-sentence, the complete line is ‘I need some space without you in it…’”

She has moved on, and so should you…

You turning in to a whining-bitch-stalker is not really going to help things along.

- Dog

My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years now — we are both 23 years old. I think we should get engaged within a year’s time and have expressed this to him. He feels that we are not ready and that we need to iron things out in our relationship before we are ready.

Our relationship has all the key elements for a great marriage from both our perspectives: We share the same goals and views and love each other a great deal, and we have said from the beginning that we want to marry one another in the future.

However we are both fairly stubborn and outspoken, which leads to petty arguments and this puts a strain on our relationship quite often. This really bothers him, more than it bothers me. We have made an effort to put an end to this silliness and it has worked for a while now. I think this issue we have can easily be overcome and I can see past this but he says he needs to make sure this a non-issue for when we make the “ultimate” commitment.

I cannot determine if this is truly the case or if he is using it as an excuse for why he isn’t ready to marry me. He is very much into hanging out with friends and having fun all the time. I fear he hasn’t matured as much as I have. I feel we should be married and still be able to do that kind of stuff together, and separately.

Am I being too harsh and jumping the gun? When should I decide enough waiting is enough waiting, and find someone who is comfortable enough to be with me forever? How long should I wait for him to propose to me?

You guys are 23 years old… You have known each other for 4 years… Hardly optimal circumstances when viewed statistically. Heck, my aunt uses a toothbrush that’s 4 years old… My brother has toe nail clipping on his bathroom floor that are 4 years old… How about some perspective, child?

Maybe you should ask yourself why you are obsessing about marriage? The ring, romantic wedding and stunning honeymoon (or a cheap one to Mexico, where you both have the shits for 4 weeks), and all the attention you will be getting during that short time, will wear off. And you will be back to where you are right now: a totally confused child that doesn’t have a clue about life.

If you can’t make work what have right now — what makes you think a wedding will change anything? The only difference is that the wedding will be more expensive to do, and more expensive, and complicated to undo if one of you realizes that it was a horrible mistakes.

How about enjoying the ride — enjoying life — enjoying him… If you can’t do that without a ring on your finger, your marriage is a doomed as a sealpup on the ice of a Canadian hockey rink.

You asked: “How long should I wait for him to propose to me?” Well, here’s the thing… You don’t have to wait for anything… If you are not getting what you want: move on! Also, if you are simply looking to push out 8-12 lbs. through your vagina — get a pet instead, as it’s much less painful, and it’s also cheaper than a baby.

- Dog

I think this site is stupid, but I’ll tell you anyway!

My husband is cheating I think… He’s always leaving and says he’s visiting his damn mom in the hospital, and never lets me go with him. He says she doesn’t know we are married. I told him to go fu** himself and go suck a di** and he almost punched me!

I’m sick of this. Tell me what to do with my cheating husband?

“Stupid” isn’t very nice… “Goofy” is probably more appropriate… It’s a big difference!

It’s quite obvious what you need to do… You need to learn how to shut up once in a while, and for those times you feel the need to open your face — think long and hard before speaking! When you act like an imbecile, you will be treated like one.

As for you husband cheating on you… Get used to it, or try and find some other sorry bugger who you can trick in to getting involved with you.

You are clearly a rude, whining and selfish little slap-tart. Work on the slap-tart part while cleaning your trailer…

- Dog

My friend, “Jazz”, is constantly worrying about her ex-boyfriend that she broke up with. She is always crying and moaning over him — she never stops talking about him! I feel like she never wants to hear about my problems.

How do I tell her, without hurting her feelings that I don’t always want to hear about her and the guy she broke up with? How do I get her to listen to me for a change?

Why don’t you want to hurt her feelings? A moral slap in the face might just wake her up.

It sounds like she is annoying to the point where you will soon start wishing that she will have a souvlaki-chainsaw related accident.

You should tell “Jazz” that she’s being a pathetic, whining and selfish little bitch. That should get her attention… If you really are friends, she will get over it (eventually…) If she doesn’t? Simply find yourself a real friend.

- Dog

Four months ago I walked in on my husband and a girl he works with. I found them standing very close, with her head leaning into his chest. All the curtains had been closed in his office, and the key was left in the lock so I couldn’t get in. Let’s say it was unexpected when I came in through the back door… They looked shocked when they saw me — he dived onto his seat to put his t=shirt on, and she sat down quickly. He said she was looking at his tattoos.

I later find text messages on his phone to her, one reading “same time as I will tell Sarah (me)”. We split-up on and off for a few weeks… Then I found a video recording on his phone of her sitting outside a pub in the summer — he scans from her face, down to her boobs, and down to her “you know what” and then slowly back up again.

He said he had cut all contact with her just before Christmas — then he disappeared for a weekend when he went on an old works night out… Where she worked! He called his mums while I was there, and was acting very defensive. A couple of days later I phoned the number he’d called from — this girl answered the phone. She had got a new mobile number and “apparently” she only went out with him and other workmates on the Saturday, and he didn’t spend the weekend with her…

I have always trusted him 100% and knowing him the way I feel I do, I believe he would never cheat on me this way. I know he has lied about staying in contact with her, and that the facts point coldly towards an affair. Yet as aware as I am that it’s more than likely an affair — I believe more so that he hasn’t because he is normally so genuine, caring, and thoughtful to a fault.

Am I just being totally thick and scared of accepting what he is doing?

Yes, you are being incredibly thick. Why scared now? How about getting pissed off first?

She checking out his “tattoos”, text messages, video “moments” and mysterious disappearances on weekends… Yes, he is having an affair! Actually, “affair” sounds too classy — he’s boning this woman behind you back,.. You have been relagated to “spare hole”. Clear enough?

Why not confront the girl? She has no idea what you know or don’t know… It should be easy enough to find out the truth if you play them against each other.

You are a woman — you be evil and conniving like other women too — dig deep!

- Dog

I’m a homemaker with 3 daughters — 10, 8 and 7 years old. I’m with them all the time: taking them to appointments, school, and helping with homework etc.

My husband is pressuring me to have another baby because he wants a son. I really don’t want to, as I know I don’t have the patience to go through all the crying, bottles and diapers again. Especially since he never helped with any of it.

I’ve told him “no” a 1000 times but he refuses to listen. Should I keep resisting? Should I just try to give my husband his son?

You are not buying a piano… Actually, I’m sure that in many families an impulse purchase of a piano, would cause some serious resentment. With a baby you can’t have resentment, so you have to talk it through with your husband…

You had your last kid seven years ago, and he starts talking about another one when you finally start getting some of your freeedom back, with the kids in school etc? Too me it sounds like he wants you bound to the house again, like a good little baby-making machine and servant.

- Dog

I know my husbands loves me but it really hurts when he jokes about other women with his buddies in front of me…

We never spend any time together anymore. He goes is to work in the morning, and when he gets home, he walk straight in to the garage to play with his car.

Am I nuts for not feeling loved anymore?

Guys joke about all kinds of things, perhaps not always when there’s a lady present, but they do. If you know that he loves you as you say, well then those jokes about other women shouldn’t really be a problem then? In many other cultures men penis-wrestle — in the West they talk nasty… It accomplishes the same thing: it’s just male bonding!

The issue here is more likely that you feel neglected, and you getting upset about jokes, is merely a symptom of that.

Why don’t you dress yourself up as a Ford Pinto and back your arse in to that garage of his? It should get his attention…

- Dog

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 4 years. We’ve been back and forth between Indiana and Ohio. He’s currently going to school in Ohio and I’m in Indiana. Since he’s been there I’ve told him twice I’d move there and then changed my mind. I then broke up with him for a couple days because he suggested separating and seeing other people. He explained it, as he wanted me to see “what else is out there”. But we ended up getting back together…

He’s my first serious boyfriend since we’ve been together 4 years. To make matters worse, I’ve had a huge crush on this guy I work with for a year now, and I think about him all the time. My boyfriend has gotten mad at me once before because of a small one-month crush I had on an old friend, so I’m afraid to mention this guy. I really like this guy and it’s hard to try and get over him when I see him almost every day, and I rarely see my boyfriend.

I’ve had people tell me this guy likes me and he’s done things that make me think so too. I’m not sure if it’s just the fantasy of being with someone else or what it is, but I do love my boyfriend. I’m struggling over what to do because I told him I’d move there in march and now I’m starting to change my mind again and he’s told me if I don’t do it this time, we’re done.

Can we save our long distance relationship?

Clearly the distance between you two, is causing some tension and doubts… However, that is not an excuse for ultimatums such as “move here or we’re done!” That’s rather weak, I think. You guys need to learn how to compromise.

You say you love your boyfriend — and a “crush is a crush, is a crush…” Simply giving up on 4 years because of a crush (or because you are horny) is not all that brilliant. So what if this one guy “likes” you… Girl, I bet that there are a lot of guys out there who would “likes” to stuff your turkey — is it worth giving up on 4 years for that? 

The problem seems to be the distance between you. Why not try to close it and see if it will all work out? If it doesn’t, well at least you gave it a fair chance. Also mentioning this other guy to your boyfriend serves no purpose what so ever…

What kind of great stuff did you think that would accomplish?

- Dog