What do you get a person who reads things into every gift?
I want to get my wife a great present. Unfortunately she is hard to buy for.
She is very sensitive and everything I think of runs the risk of upsetting her. If I bought her a hat she’d likely think I don’t like her haircut. Buy her a George Foreman grille and she’d assume I don’t like her cooking. Sexy underwear would make her wonder if I’m still attracted to her. A treadmill would result in her thinking she’s too fat. Jewellery is a no-no because she’d worry about the cost. Buying any sort of clothes would also be a big mistake!
What do you get a person who reads things into every gift?
Two words: gift baskets! The most important thing when buying gifts for emotionally unpredictable people is to make the gifts “Functionally-Non-Threatening” (FNT). In other words, the gift should be something they have a use for, but in way that it in no shape of form reflect on their persona.
Many people think that functional items are impersonal, and they are right — unless — you buy two or more of them, and combine them in to one never before seen gift basket!
What better way to show your love (or dependency) than with your own original FNT gift basket? Of course nicely decorated with dried flowers, dried vegetables and dried cute little rodents!
Below you will find a few that I have lovingly thought out for you. I believe these might even inspire you to come up with your own:
Chef — Machete + Fire extinguisher + Clay Aiken CD
Grandma — Stuffed poodle + Leash + Bag of Jelly Bean
Grandpa — Fudge + More Fudge + Viagra
Teenage Boy — Roll of quarters + Tub of Vaseline + Flashlight
Neighbour — Zippo lighter + Cigars + Stick of dynamite
Wife — Bag of turnips + Rope + Swimming lessons
Ex-wife — French rat poison + French scythe + French Cookbook
Kids — Toboggan + Super glue + Helmet
Husband — Beef jerky + Wheat beer + Soft toilet paper
Teenage girl — Halter Top + Bellybutton jewellery + Mace
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- Dog
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