Why do I run away from guys who like me?
I’m a 22-year-old female who has just graduated from college, and I have never had a boyfriend. I have never even been kissed! I have had guys interested in me, and have been on several dates. Though they were official dates, they still never ended in a kiss. On my first date at 18, my date let me know he expected to have sex that very night, and me being a virgin, I was so terrified to hear that, that I blurted out the truth about my virginity. After that, he seemed too intimidated (and extremely surprised) by that fact to kiss me on the lips goodbye that night. He still seemed interested after that, but I became extremely self-conscious and pushed him away. I even quit my job so that I would never have to see him again.
I even once had a date where the guy came to my dorm room, where we were alone, to watch a movie. I really liked him, and was excited when he lay down on my bed, while I sat on it (it was a twin-sized bed). But he still didn’t try to put any moves on me, even when we went on a more formal movie date later on. And once, a guy asked me out for a drink at a bar, and informed me that he was “very open” about his sexuality, and explained a particular episode of sex in explicit detail. But at the end of the night, he just gave me a high-five, like I was one of the guys!
Being a 22-year-old virgin is not easy, and I generally don’t tell guys that I’m a virgin anymore. If the subject arises, I don’t ask men to elaborate nor do I offer any real information, but instead give vague responses and change the subject, trying to sound as little like a prude as possible. My whole life I have been “just one of the guys”.
I have always been the girl that guys come to with their relationship problems and open up to concerning their true feelings about their significant others. I don’t really know how I portray this image, but generally, I enjoy having such a close bond to guys. The only bad thing is, I end up being forever their best friend, and never anything more. I have been in love once, with a friend of mine, but it was complicated for him, and he couldn’t admit to returning the feelings (but he never said he didn’t have any feelings for me either).
Just once I’d like to be able to be in some sort of relationship. I’m not obsessed on dating or hung up on finding ‘the one’ just now, as I think I still have a few years left to do that. I’m not in a special hurry to lose my virginity, but I wouldn’t be adverse to losing it soon when I feel like it’s right either. I want to have an adult relationship, meaning one where both us acknowledges outwardly our feelings for each other and work at a relationship mutually. Until I do, I’ll feel like I still have a lot of growing up to do.
Why do I run away from guys who like me? Why don’t guys I like, like me back? Am I doing something wrong?
There’s nothing wrong about being selective. There are no prizes awarded, in this life or the next, for how many men a woman is able to bed. If that were the case, Paris Hilton would already be sitting in the lap of God.
You seem to be an intelligent woman, and I’m sure you will find someone that is a perfect match for you eventually. Why let superficial pressures of “having a boyfriend” make you do things that are out of character?
I think you need to learn to be clearer about what you want from guys!
It’s like when you are shopping for shoes and you see something you really like… You go after it with a cylinders firing, right? Trying them on for size and abusing them a little bit, will help you get an idea if you should invest in them or not, right? Well, do the same with guys…
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- Dog
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