What do I do about this hooker problem?
Last year at our company picnic my boss brought his favourite hooker instead of his wife. In my opinion he took the company tradition of bringing an “escort” to the picnic a little too seriously. “Barbie” was nice and we all had a great party. My wife had never met my boss’ wife before so she assumed “Barbie” was his wife. I didn’t tell my wife otherwise because she is fanatically against prostitution and I feared my wife might have caused a scene.
I write today because I hear my boss will be taking his wife to this year’s picnic. I’m wondering if I should tell my wife that “Barbie” from last year wasn’t his wife before she meets the real wife this year? Telling her now might still lead to my wife telling his wife about the hooker. I’m sure that could result in me losing my job.
Maybe I should just arrange for my wife to miss the party? I’ve heard putting a laxative in food can give a person temporary stomach cramps. Do you think that might work to keep her away from the picnic? If she had severe cramps she’d probably not want to party — right? What do I do about this hooker problem?
That “Barbie” lady — does she wear a blonde wig with Christmas ornaments in it? Does she have fishnet stockings tattooed on her legs? The reason why I’m asking is because my neighbour is also named “Barbie”… and I have always been suspicious about her many gentlemen callers at all hours of the day.
Anyway… How about if you bring enough laxative for everyone at the picnic? Slip in a pint of that stuff in to the punchbowl, and it should distract your wife from pretty much everything that goes on at company picnics… Not a person at the party will remember a face, or be able to strike up a long enough conversation to reveal anything…
Interesting facts: Laxatives are used in many Nordic countries as a means to speed up parliamentary decision-making. Even politicians will talk to the point, and vote quicker when threatened with an explosive bowel discharge. Laxatives were invented in Denmark in the Middle Ages as a way to add more excitement to their parlour game “Harknur Knut” which is a form of “Twister”. The game is still played at the Danish court today, but without laxatives, rear-expelled body odours, and radishes.
- Dog
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