Men turn me on a lot, and all the time! I’m a slut… are you a man?
Here’s the thing… Sluts who call themselves sluts, are not normally sluts, they are most often skanks or hoes, which is a step down from slut.
No, I’m not a man, I’m a dog. Actually, this might suit skanks and hoes better. Send me a picture of yourself wearing a dog collar, and holding a bottle of your favourite dog shampoo, and let me know what you would like me to do to you.
I’ll consider it.
- Dog
Which is the best place to meet teenage girls? I want a girlfriend but I don’t know where to start.
I assume that you yourself are a teenager? If you have hair on your back — focus your energy on something more productive and rewarding, such as a divorced 40-something, childless, and desperate liquor store owner.
Teenage girls in general are easy, mindless and boring drones. But if that’s what you are looking for… go to the mall. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel, or stomping roaches in a motel 6, or stealing the banjo from the village idiot…
Even if you are complete loser, you can still get lucky at the mall… Simply watch for a pack of teen girls and when one of the weak ones is left behind… Well, think of it as a lion going after a penguin…
It doesn’t take much to impress teens, just keep putting together coherent sentences. If she is dumber than a 2-by-4: speak only in point form, and follow up with a, “you now?” after everything you say.
- Dog
Is it possible for woman to get pregnant even if a man doesn’t ejaculate inside her?
If the man keeps his penis in a sock, and in his hand, during an odd alternative sex act: no! However, there’s always a risk of pregnancy and STDs if man’s stump of broccoli ever enters a woman’s vagina.
The proof of this is that most people have an aunt or and uncle who has a 19, 17 and a 3-year-old…
Sorry.
- Dog
I’m a young (21-year-old) American woman who is curious about Canadian men…
Is it true that Canadian men are better lovers than American ones?
Well, that is what the majority of the world’s population of women seem to think… Even in a recent U.S. congressional survey it was revealed that American women think that American men were better at snuggles and cuddles… And that Canadian men were better at leaving a woman feeling like a clubbed seal pup in bed.
And this this coming from a Swede, only in exile in Canada… Give it a go and report back! If you have any energy left — take pictures!
- Dog
My live-in girlfriend is beating me up all the time… She kicks the shit out of me for everything I do: parking tickets, screwing around, shoplifting, smoking and drinking, selling her clothes, throwing up in her dad’s car, and making a mess in the bathroom when trimming my beard etc.
Does it means that she still loves me if she continues to do my laundry?
No, it just means that she prefers her bitch clean.
- Dog
I often get a hard-on when running the nature trail around where I live. Do you have any ideas of how I should deal with my sexual urges?
Yes, leave the wildlife alone and deal with your urges when you get home. This way you don’t risk getting your pecker bitten off by a badger, or getting arrested for indecent behaviour.
Basically, just keep running so you don’t end up in the news…
Keep on running!
- Dog
My girlfriend thinks I’m getting fat and should go on a diet. I’m 48 years old and I haven’t dieted ones in my whole life! My girlfriend is 23 and is fit like and Olympian, so compared to her: everyone is fat!
Still, she’s hot, and I want to keep her around for a while longer. How do I make my girlfriend happy with as little effort as possible?
Everyone knows that dieting is totally unnecessary if people can’t tell how big you really are… At all times wear lose fitting flannel pajamas, preferably in a brown checkered pattern!
- Dog
What can I do about my wife and kids calling me lazy?
Never nap on the couch, kitchen floor or on your mother-in-law. In fact, never nap anywhere where people can easily find, and make fun on you! Sleeping behind lock and key is the way to go! The bathroom, an old couch in the garage or a pile of rugs in the attic can be both private and comfortable.
Men with big money buy themselves a boat-sized Cadillac that they keep in the garage year-round. With a little bit of fiddling you can easily fit a mattress, some blankets and big screen TV in there.
- Dog
I’m a 43-year old hooker and I have a problem: my customers say I stink! I’m talking about the smelling kind of stink, and not the “sucking” kind of stink. Heck, even truckers say I stink…
I’m not sure what to do as I don’t have access to washrooms all the time. Nor can I afford expensvive parfumes, and the cheap ones only add to my problem!
Even my regulars won’t have sex with me when I smell my worst. This is affecting my standard of living!
What can this hooker do about her smell?
Being ordered to shower is extremely degrading. But there is a product out there that can help distract the noses of your customers! The secret weapon of middle-aged hookers, and grandfathers everywhere is called “Lysol” bathroom spray.
It’s much easier to cope with people not liking the smell of “spring apples” than having people complain about your natural aroma…
Lysol is extremely effective at supressing all kinds of stench. And it also very cost effective, and nowadays it also comes in the form of handy wipes!
- Dog
My girlfriend wants me to shave my balls, but I feel uncomfortable doing it, as I have never done it before.
What is the safest hair removal method when it comes to balls?
Yes, them’ little fellas… Nobody wants to see or experience a severely bleeding sack, or one on fire for that matter! Essentially, you could go at it the same way as when doing your face (sans alcohol-based aftershaves).
Here’s a list of shaving, and other hair removal methods to avoid when it comes to your balls:
- Dog