Ask Dog

Why don’t guys shave their legs and armpits? I would totally go for that kind of man… clean and manly!

What you are looking for is called a dyke.

Guy don’t shave their legs and armpits because it’s against human nature… to spend hundreds of dollars on razors and shaving cream per month. The hair also has a practical function: it helps keep those areas warm.

Passing out drunk out of your mind, and naked as a newborn baby, in someone’s garden shed or garage, could result in pneumonia or even death if you are clean-shaven.

Discuss this question in the forum

- Dog

Summer is almost over and I still don’t have a summer job. It sucks being short on cash, but it has been great hanging with my friends. Thank God Bill for the Xbox!

Do you have any ideas where I can find a job? I’ll take any kind of shit, as long as the pay is in American dollars.

If you can take any kind of shit… have you considered working at a zoo? Shovelling rhino, giraffe and zebra shit takes a cast iron stomach and nerves of steel. You also don’t have to wear a paper hat, which is always a bonus with the ladies.

Discuss this question in the forum

- Dog

Does size matter to girls, women and gay guys? 

Not if their partners are aware and sensitive to the fact that they are big, and are careful not to injure. I’m sure everyone is afraid of a big partner rolling over in bed, and accidentally crushing or suffocating them.

Yes, size does matter, but this handicap can be overcome with separate sleeping quarters.

Discuss this question in the forum

- Dog

Somestimes I go bars Chicago an no gurls like me or have sex. Wadda you think I do better wit da gurls?

Learn to speak English? The key to finding the road that leads to the successful exchange of bodily fluids, starts with talking. You need to be able to establish the ground rules, as well as clarifying the expectations of both parties, if you wish to get anywhere…

The only other option is to show the ladies that you are hung like a walrus.

I’m afraid you are doomed if you can’t express yourself and you are hung like a toy poodle — consider a life of computer games instead!

Discuss this question in the forum

- Dog

What does sodomize mean?

It’s the exact opposite of randomize — you are working hard on one specific thing.

There’s also sodukomize — which is the act to screwing yourself out of time that would have been better spent doing something productive.

It’s also not to be confused field mice — which is a food enjoyed by owls, hawks and foxes.

*sigh*

Discuss this question in the forum

- Dog

Why am I still a virgin? I’m a pretty good looking 26-year-old guy, good job, and I’m nice! Women only seem to go for guys that are bad-ass… why?

What am I doing wrong?

Well, technically you are still a virgin because your penis has not entered another individual… And why hasn’t it entered an other individual? Simple… you are “nice”…

Nice is nothing more than, and the same as:

1. It’s nice to stretch out your legs after you have been on your feet all day…
2. It’s nice to scratch your crack when you have a horrific itch…
3. Other things that are nice: ice cream, cool breeze, medium-rare steak, lavender shampoos, summer cottage by a lake, good quality socks, fully emptying bowel movements etc.

You need to be more than just ”nice!” Don’t get me wrong; you don’t have to be “bad-ass”… Being yourself, or pretending to be someone else (if you are utterly boring) is the way to go.

Nice is nothing… ”something” is always better and more interesting than nothing… Everyone has faults: work on showing yours. It’s all the things that we mess up, and what we lack, that makes us human beings.

Being a a nice drone is not very attractive.

Discuss this quetion in the forum

- Dog

I’m a 19-year-old with a huge sex drive: I can’t get enough no matter what I do! I have a boyfriend and I also masturbate a lot, but I always feel unsatisfied, irritated and angry.

I’m thinking about screwing other guys. Would it be wrong of me to have sex with more than my boyfriend?

Being a sharing and giving person is not evil. If you read the Bible you will see that being generous, and spreading joy, is what gets you in to heaven!

Yes, do your part in trying to make the world a better place! Go out and spread your legs…

Discuss this question in the forum

- Dog

Is Charlize Theron sexier than Angelina Jolie?

Why are you asking? Are you trying have a sexual fantasy, but you can’t make up your mind, as to what you should whack off? How about including both these lovely ladies in your fantasies?

I’ll get you started…

Imagine a warm sweaty mid July day in Africa. Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are baby shopping again… This time in a small jungle village, as they are looking to complement their ever-growing herd of kids with something dark-brown, sinewy and tough.

While walking through the village, checking, and trying out different kids, they end up in a hut like no other: it has a stripper pole in the middle of the room. And from the pole hangs a sweat-drenched Charlize Theron, naked and stoned out of her mind. Her breasts are glistening like two greased up watermelons because she’s not only sweaty: she has clearly been drooling all over herself for hours.

“I want her!”, says Angelina while pointing a shaking finger at Charlize. “That bitch is too old and pale for us…” Brad groans, while grabbing his wife’s arm in an attempt to lead her our of the hut. Angelina shakes of her husbands grip, and grabs his arm and forces him down on the ground, and then she snaps his neck, as easily as he had been nothing more than an over-sized wafer.

Charlize nods her head in approval, and licks the sweat off her eyebrows, “Aiiisha lavhaa zeeehga hjooo nikked twohooo” she mumbles. Angelina squirms out of her hazmat suit and the cling-wrap that she has been wearing — her boobs don’t sag for more than a foot. She seductively walks up to the stripper pole with her boobs bobbing like Jell-O filled condoms, filled to the brink of bursting. She then brings out a bowling pin and a hula hoop from seemingly nowhere, “Meet George and Oprah…” she says, with her nipples now as erect and hard as two Prince Edward Island potatoes.

And the rest is up to you…

Enjoy and have fun!

Discuss this question in the forum

- Dog

Do you think President George. W. Bush still has sex with his wife Laura?

No, I do not. I think the only way they go at it like crazed monkeys, is by throwing feces at each other.

I’m sure this is the first presidency ever where the interns have been perfectly safe in the White House. Women have very little to fear from a President who can’t unbutton his own pants.

Bill Clinton on the other hand is I’m sure still going strong, harassing women and denting furniture and walls where ever he goes.

Discuss this question in the forum

- Dog

Why do people knit hats when they can simply go to the store and buy one?

Interesting question! I gave it some though, and my conclusion is that knitting is simply a way to kill time before you die, which is why it’s mostly old ladies that waste their time on this dated activity. The middle-aged women that knit don’t get laid as often as they should, or have gone in to menopause. They don’t have anything better to do.

Men will never start knitting, because no matter how old a man gets, he will always appreciate a nice pair of breasts. God bless the Internet!

Discuss this question in the forum

- Dog