Ask Dog

Does it hurt for a guy to lose his virginity with a girl? My boyfriend is nervous…

It shouldn’t normally hurt for your boyfriend… Unless you are biting his face or if you have sex organs the size of a badger (or a combination of both).

In general, it’s stupid trying to ski a double black diamond if it’s your first time on skis… Regardless of gender, it’s always a good idea to learn on a hill with a green circle (with a smiley face drawn in with a marker).

In other words, learn what you are doing before committing to the Full Monty.

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- Dog

I have never had a girlfriend and I have never been with a girl. It seems that everyone has someone when looking around my high school. I often feel frustrated and angry when I’m on my own. I feel jealous and empty when I see couples walking hand in hand.

What can I do about my loneliness?

Ahhh… Sweet whining and pathetic teen angst… Lovely!

Don’t use your head so much — it’s not healthy! Try using your hand instead… Then go out there and make yourself available.

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- Dog

I’m 16 and want to be with this 21-year-old guy that lives nearby. My dad got mad when I told him about it. He’s saying that the age difference is too big, even though the age difference between him and my mom is also 5 years!

He’s saying that all 21-year-old guys are the same and only after one thing, but it’s not true, as this one is really mature and cool. Besides, what says that I would need to have sex with him?

How can I make my dad understand how I feel?

Why would it matter to him how you feel? You are only 16 and should play with children your own age… This way you are less likely to get hurt, and end up being a crusty sock for some unscrupulous dude to use.

Your dad knows better in this case, because he was a 21-year-old once. He also knows a lot of guys that were 21 once… Granted, most 21-year-olds are not cradle robbers, but yeah, they are all basically the same.

Trust me, only a 16-year-old would find him “mature” and “cool”… Any given grown-up will call him “weak” and “pathetic”. The age difference in this case is huge because your age group is immature and naive, which is painfully obvious from your mail.

You said “Besides, what says that I would need to have sex with him?” The thing is that you have no “will” and no “presence” at 16. You can be manipulated as easily as a 7-year-old. Your statement means nothing as you can me made to agree to anything, which is the only reason why this 21-year-old is preying on you.

When you are 30 and have pushed a 12-pounder through your birth canal, you will realize how sadly immature you were at 16.

Not staying away would be a huge mistake on your part… It will also merely be one of many if you don’t learn to listen and learn from people that know better.

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- Dog

What are greenhouse gases and how do they effect us?

First of all, a greenhouse is a structure with a glass or plastic roof and often also with glass or plastic walls. It’s heated up by the sun, and the interior surfaces of the greenhouse retains this heat. This will keep the soil and plants growing there at optimal temperatures, thus enabling them to develop faster.

The gases are often also called “pollen”, which are grains in the plant’s structure used to transport the male DNA to the female part of a plant.

So, “greenhouse gases” are in other words: pollen produced in a greenhouse. Greenhouse gases only affect people with different kinds of pollen allergies.

Good luck with your homework!

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- Dog

My sister is gay and has sex with her girlfriend in the room next to mine. The problem is that the walls are not all that great and you can hear pretty much everything going on.

Normally when this happens I just put on the stereo or kill some Counter-Strike terrorists (with my headphones on).

However, the other night I had a buddy staying over, and he… well… didn’t want to have the stereo on, if you catch my drift? I told him to lighten up, because it was my sister… He didn’t care and later told some blokes in school, and now everyone wants to come over to my place.

What should I do about my sister’s sexscapades?

Yes, I do realize that it all might be pretty cool for the average dude… but when your sibling is involved — not so much really…

Talk to your sister about the noise level. Do whatever it takes not to be traumatized… Don’t turn it in to a show whatever you do!

Privacy is a beautiful thing, as is five headshot in one round of “Office”. Please keeping slaying those terrorists if your sister doesn’t listen.

The upside of all this? If she is a nymphomaniac, you might end up turning pro playing Counter-Strike, thanks to your sister!

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- Dog

I have been having an affair with a married man for a year or so. Since the beginning he has promised me that he would leave his wife and kids, but he hasn’t done it yet. A couple of weeks ago he even took them all to Disney World. That doesn’t sound to me like a man leaving his family?

He rarely stays the night any more and goes home to his wife or buddies after seeing me. We used to see each other almost every day, but now it’s a couple of times per week at most. A few times it’s even been over a week, and when he was on vacation — three whole weeks!

How can I let him understand that I expect more of a commitment from him?

There’s nothing you can say to change anything… The fact that he doesn’t wish to have sex with you that often, simply means that he’s bored with you. Perhaps he even has a second tart lined up on the side?

Why would you even have expectations on a man that is cheating on his wife, and possibly a second woman (much hotter than you)? Resign to the fact that you are all but a spare hole for him to fill whenever he finds the time, or when the mood strikes.

Continue living the life of an unpaid whore — or move one! Simple.

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- Dog

I laughed when I heard that my dad had died. Worse, it happened in front of friends and family. My dad and I didn’t get along all that well, but I didn’t hate him!

I didn’t mean to laugh, it just happened!

Everyone is treating my like an outcast now, even though I’m telling them that I didn’t mean to do it.

What can I tell them to make then understand?

Sorry to hear about your woes…

Death, and real, honest and happy laughing normally only happens when it involves a circus lion and a clown… Laughing (as a joyful expression) is a rather disturbing behaviour in any other horrific scenario, even if it involves hate.

However, some people laugh when they are nervous or stressed. It’s a physical reaction to help the body deal with what is going on: heart rate, tension etc. Same as some people scream when they are afraid, or cry when they are sad.

You family and friends judging you in that horrible situation could simply be that for some of them it was easier to express anger towards you, than sorrow for the passing of your dad.

What can you tell them? Tell them the truth: you were nervous and stressed and it was merely a physical reaction, and that you weren’t laughing because you were happy of the news.

These people judging you are truly weak people if they can’t get over themselves. And if your dad happened to be a clown that go eaten by a circus lion — they don’t have a sense of humour.

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- Dog

I know I’m an irrational, jealous and controlling person. Whenever my boyfriend goes out with his mates, I always imagine him cheating on me with some other woman. We always end up fighting about it before he goes out.

How can I learn to trust my boyfriend?

As you yourself know you that you’re being irrationally jealous and controlling — stop! If you don’t know how to deal with it yourself — seek counselling! Your boyfriend will only have so much patience do deal with your neurosis.

Him being pissed off and disappointed in you every time he leaves the house is probably not what you want to see, if you wish him to stay away from other women. Trust me, he will start looking at options when he has had his fill of crap from you. However, as is customary in monogamous relationships, he will probably dump your sorry butt before acting on it.

Here’s the thing; nothing you say will stop him from doing something he wishes to do. It doesn’t work with a 2-year-old, and it certainly won’t work with a grown man, especially if an opportunity presents itself with a woman that doesn’t nag and is willing to get naked.

Don’t make youself one of many options — be the only option! Be a lover — not a bitch…

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- Dog

Is there such a thing as magic? I think so! I see things every day that I can’t explain… There are some amazing and beautiful things in this world that can’t be explained. The only rational explanation to me is — magic!

Besides, wouldn’t the world be a really boring place if there was no such thing as magic?

No, there is no magic. Simply the fact that you are not able to comprehend something , doesn’t make it magical! It merely means that you are uneducated and stupid.

Everything has a rational explanation. Yes, there are some complicated questions that are yet to be answered, but it doesn’t mean that answers are not forthcoming.

Magic hasn’t been used as a rational explanation since the burning of witches in the 1600s.

The world is not a boring place — you are bored… Make some friends, find yourself a hobby and educate yourself, instead of walking through live like a fool. You are missing out!

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- Dog

My daughter (17) and I are close and she tells me about everything that goes on in her life. She is smart and well-adjusted young woman that’s getting decent grades in school, and she has never been in any kind of trouble.

Recently she has revealed to me that she has feelings for this sales rep that frequents the business where she works evenings, a couple of times a week. The feelings are mutual, as I understand. Well, she is considering taking their budding relationship to the next level, which is serious dating (with all that it entails).

She feels that she wants to see if there is something “there”. This would normally be how it all works, but I hesitate as he is 32 years old. I have met the man once and he seems to be a nice guy.

As her friend I wish her to be happy, but I’m just not sure about this because of the age difference between the two. I’m consider allowing it under certain restrictions, such as curfews and not staying the night etc.

Do you think it’s ok to allow my daughter to date this man?

Ohhh… *sigh*

Your question is flawed… You should have asked: “Do you think it’s ok to pimp out my daughter to an older man?”

First of all, she is not telling you about everything that goes on in her life… She is 17 years old!

She has never been in any kind of trouble or she has never been caught doing anything inappropriate? Woman, she is 17 years old!

The feelings are mutual? He is a 32-year-old man and she is a 17-year-old girl… Granted, she is one year from being 18, but at the same time she is also only one year passed being a child. There’s absolutely nothing that would make the two equals in that relationship (unless he’s suffering from retardation and has the mental capacity and experience of a 17-year-old).

So, you met him once and you found him “nice”… He is preying on your daughter and he is NICE!? What’s the matter with you? He wasn’t being NICE… He was being SNEAKY!

You are also not her “friend”… You are her mother! Guide her and teach her to avoid situations where she will be taken advantage of!

Where is her father in all this? Is he also just a “friend”? He will set you both straight if he is a parent! If he’s man, he will also set this predator straight!

Curfews and not allowing her to stay the night will accomplish absolutely nothing! You don’t think she can be taken advantage of while the sun is out?

You don’t need to take my word for any if this… Why don’t you and your husband have a serious discussion with the man? If you ask him about (and question) his feelings and motivations, you will quickly see how pathetic he really is.

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- Dog