Ask Dog

Do women like men with hairy asses? I’m quite hairy and I’m self-conscious about it, and therefore prefer lovemaking in the dark.

None of my girlfriends or one-night stands has ever mentioned anything about it.

That’s your question? Hairy asses?

I do think that women prefer men who treat them well and are good, interesting and worthwhile human beings. I would think that a “hairy ass” or a “smooth butt” is secondary to most mature women.

Women have their individual preferences and it’s a waste of energy to try to generalize a perception of something as meaningless as the look of your particular ass.

How about this:

1. Some women will think your hairy ass makes you look like a chimp.
2. Some women will think your hairy ass makes you look manly.

If you are what’s in the middle of that ass of yours — an asshole… Women will care very little for the rest of it.

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- Dog

You know the song I Kissed A Girl? I did it too and I also liked it. I liked it a lot… She didn’t even wear Cherry Chapstick and it was still amazing!

It was party game kiss but it was an eye-opener. I haven’t had a real boyfriend but I have kissed a few. I have always been interested in boys. Now I’m confused!

Is it possible that I’m gay or bisexual?

Yes, it’s possible… It’ s also possible that you were merely curious and your fluttering hormones played a trick on you.

Does it matter? It is what it is… and time will tell…

You said you have never had a real boyfriend… Well, it’s not very exciting exchanging bodily fluids with a “buddy”. Maybe your “girl kiss” was just exciting to you because you were actually paying attention?

Don’t worry! You are not “depraved”… you are not ”special” either… It’s just one of those things that make life interesting.

Oh… and the song didn’t make you gay.

And life goes on… Enjoy!

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- Dog

My boyfriend spends more time with his ex-girlfriend than with me. They take the same classes, ski together, and go to movies and dinners together. He has never taken me skiing!

They dated for 4 years, and I have been with him for 7 months. She broke up with him but he still sees her. Isn’t that a bit unusual?

I have met her a few times and she seems nice, and she introduces herself as a friend.

He says they are “just” great friends. Do I believe him?

What’s the deal with his ex-girlfriend?

Are you sure, you are living in the same dimension as the rest of us? You are sure you are not caught in some odd space-time continuum? It sounds to me like you are the ex-girlfriend…

Listen! They have being screwing their brains out for 4 years… That makes them more than “just” friends (even though they are not doing it right now). It doesn’t look very good for you at all. A “bleak outlook” would be an understatement.

He’s probably working on getting back in his old trusted saddle again, but his old mare is not quite ready yet. However, in time, she will be ready and willing again.

What to do about it? He needs to get his priorities straight, or at least stop wasting your time.

You need to have a serious discussion with him, as you are clearly not happy playing the second fiddle.

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- Dog

I’m 16 and still a virgin and I have a dumb question. Well, it feel dumb as I should now this, but I don’t know how it works.

Do your legs become wider apart after you lose your virginity? The more often you have sex, the easier it gets, right? I had my boyfriend fooling around on top of me and it hurt my groin and hips. How am I supposed to have sex if I can’t open my legs enough?

Yes, the more sex you have, the more bowlegged and nimble you get. Have you seen Pamela Anderson? She can walk across a wheelbarrow because she was married to Tommy Lee for three years.

Nooo… not really…

You don’t need to be a Pamela Anderson or an Olympic gymnast to have sex. It’s all about angles and positions… It’s human nature to avoid things that hurt. It’s also human nature to procreate — you’ll find a way, when you get to that point.

As for “that point”… I would suggest you wait a few years before having sex, at least until you figure out the basics of human physiology.

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- Dog

I’m having an affair with a married man. We see each other every other month or so (he lives in another city, and we meet when he has business here).

He seemed different the last time we met, he didn’t talk much and we didn’t do anything but have sex basically. My problem is that he was very aggressive when we had sex and he was hurting me. I repeatedly asked him to slow down, but that only made him crazier! It hurt a lot and I was crying but he didn’t stop. He said he was sorry afterwards but I don’t think he really meant it.

I’m not sure what to do about him now? He’s asked to see me again in a couple of weeks, but I’m a little scared now. He has always been a nice guy so I don’t know what changed?

Should I give him another chance even though he hurt me?

You say he’s a “nice guy”… I would love to hear your definition of “bad guy”. Woman, he is a parasite — a scary, dangerous and self-serving parasite! He is using you… He is hurting you…

You are not “having an affair”… To him you are nothing more than a spare hole (probably one out of many) in another city. How is this a healthy and constructive relationship for you? If you see nothing wrong with this situation — see a shrink!

You are scared and still consider seeing him? Come on… Grow the hell up!

Cut all ties with him right away. No need to explain anything to him (he doesn’t give a dammed about your thought and ideas anyway).

Your options:

1. Find yourself a real boyfriend, because he’s not one.
2. Start charging him by the hour (make sure you have pimp (or friend) in the next room, to ensure your are physically safety).

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- Dog

I caught my wife masturbating – what should I do now?

I’m not sure who was more embarrassed, her or me!

Help!

What you should do now? I don’t know… I’m not sure what the problem is? You said you “caught” her… was she hiding away in the attic or something?

What was embarrassing about it? Was she wearing a rubber clown outfit while humping a unicycle?

You are husband and wife… Why don’t you talk about it as husband and wife?

1. If she needed to “get off” — she was just getting off, without you present… What’s the big deal?
2. If she can never have an orgasm with you present — ask her how you can make things work for her…

Again, your question is confusing and your description is short. All I get is you having an issue with your wife masturbating. Figure out what that issue is and talk to her about it.

Talk to her as man and not as some immature kid!

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- Dog

I’ve always been a tomboy, doing sports and outdoorsy stuff. I’m 23 and I don’t remember ever wearing a skirt or a dress! I have never worn make-up, except for something to cover a zit or two. I most often wear jeans and sweaters, or sweat pants, and shorts and t-shirts in the summer.

I have been together with my boyfriend for over two years now, and we do everything together. He’s a super masculine man. He loves crazy things, like base jumping, cave diving, rock climbing etc. However, he also has a business personality. It’s the latter that worries me… I tend to stand out too much amongst dresses at formal dinners.

My boyfriend has never said a word about this, but I sense he would like to see me a little bit more feminine on occasion.

How can I make myself more feminine for my boyfriend?

Unless you are bearded, and fart and scratch yourself in public, I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Different garbs don’t necessarily make you more feminine… Perhaps you are too self-conscious and critical of yourself?

You guys have been together for 2 years, and if your boyfriend needed to see you in a dress, wouldn’t he have simply asked you, or at least bought you one as a gift? If you are sensing things, why not talk to him about it?

As for styling tips… Sorry, I don’t have a queer eye and can’t give you any fashion or make-up tips. Besides, isn’t “girlie stuff” on the list of what girlfriends help each other with? Surely, you most have a girlfriend who can give you a pep talk and some fashion pointers, and shopping tips?

Don’t panic! Your boyfriend is happy with you just the way you are, or you would be an ex-girlfriend at this point.

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- Dog

I was swimming in a lake, when all of a sudden, a paraglider crashed in to a horse. I saved them both from drowning and made them my sex slaves.

(Dreams are just dreams)

I first noticed her eyes… then her legs… and then her butt… and the fact she was naked… and was giving birth to a trout.

(Love will hit you in strange ways)

Celina… Sandra… Sandra’s… Mike… Joe’s… Joe… Mike’s… Celina… Fred’s…

(More is not always merrier)