How do I catch a mermaid?

As a follow up to the “Are mermaid real?” question… Let’s say you were wrong (for once…) and mermaids were in fact real. How would I go about catching or fishing for one (theoretically speaking of course).

There’s a lot of information on their likes and dislikes, but sifting through it all is quite painful.

How do I catch a mermaid?

This is in regards to: http://www.askdog.com/2008/06/26/are-mermaids-real/

Supposedly, the most effective (and also most dangerous) method is to rub yourself all over with a smoked mackerel, and swim around and bark like a wounded seal. If you are heavy-set, going for dying walrus movements is probably a better bet.

The mermaids are said to not being able to resist an easy meal. When they come to feed on you, club them with a baseball bat or shoot them with a harpoon. Mermaids are quick in the water, so do not miss! Mermaids are by many accounts, ferocious predators and you probably only get one go at it, at the risk of turning in to mermaid sustenance.

According to some people, as many as 30-40 Norwegian mermaid poachers go missing in P.E.I. (Prince Edward Island) waters every year. Often you will only find their feet floating ashore.

A less dangerous method? Get a barbershop quartet together to sing lullabies on the shore. Close harmony, and jolly, singing is said to lure mermaids to investigate. I assume, all you would need, is to have a sniper at the ready for that perfect (seconds to execute) headshot when a mermaid breaks the water.

Supposedly, it’s tricky to spot mermaids quickly bobbing the surface, especially at night. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to see one through the scope on a sniper rifle. It might take a while…

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How do I catch a mermaid?

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