About
AskDog.com
Definitions: Ask: inquire, request, demand. Dog: a member of the genus Canis.
Ask Dog is an advice column maintained by me, Risto Klint, for your enjoyment.
Any outrageous or derogatory remarks should be viewed as satire and humor, and should not be taken seriously. Advice given on this website should be viewed as entertainment, and not as sound medical, psychological, or practical recommendations…
If you have a serious mental or medical problem, consult a psychologist or a physician.
Questions, comments and suggestions
Feel free to email me at: Risto.Klint@gmail.com
Submissions to the advice column are answered in the order they are received. However, do have in mind that it may get edited or completely disregarded if:
- The question has already been answered in one form or another.
- The question is completely uninteresting, silly or irrelevant.
- The question is unclear or poorly formulated.
It can take anywhere from a day to a week (or more) before your question appears on this website, depending on scheduling and the number of questions in the backlog.
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Visitor feedback
“I created a Voodoo doll of Scarlett Johansson according to your exact specifications, and ripped the clothes off it while attending a premiere where she was hitting the red carpet — nothing happened! You are only a charlatan Voodoo witch doctor…” — B.B.T.
“You have cured me! I no longer feel compelled to masturbate to “The View” and “Dr. Phil”. I have even picked up line dancing and juggling now that I have more energy!” — Nicholas.
“Man, you were correct, he was a psychotic homicidal maniac, even though the sex was great! I took a stool and urine sample from him — and bingo! He is now serving 20-to-life.” — Lucky Woman.
“You have saved my marriage! I no longer view my wife as being a useless skank… You made me think, and I came to realize that she bakes a banana loaf that is out of this world.” — Hendrix.
“Thanks man! To date I have saved probably close to 5,000 dollars by switching from girlfriends to an oil-based hand cream.” — W.T.
“I didn’t end up doing my geography teacher, but I did end up contracting herpes from some guy I met down at the pub. Thanks a lot ***hole!” — Sanna Berg.
“I ended up fu**** my husband on the kitchen floor when he got from Iraq, and as much as this pains me to admit: you were right; good housekeeping is very important to a successful sex life!” — L. From Texas.
“You are a genius! My girlfriend has finally agreed to let me shave her head and eyebrows! I can hardly wait for Saturday night…” — Steven. R.
“My girlfriend still hates me and doesn’t talk to me. However, the good news is that she now agrees to sex thanks to your tips and tricks. I would say that I have never been happier in our relationship!” — Bill Hairy.
“Why did you tell my boyfriend to find a woman that drives a better car and knows how to work a washing machine? You have made my mother very happy, and myself very, very, very angry. I hate you!” — Seeing Red.
“Using a thermos as a dildo was an extremely poor bad idea on your part. I took me almost 2 weeks before I could ride a bike again, and I got fired from the bakery!” — Zombie Chick.
“You have put imagery in my mind that will never go away… Now I can’t even look at my girlfriend’s Golden Retriever without feeling ashamed.” — Snaxor.
“You were right! Guys are so stupid. I can sell a pair of $3 panties for $50. That’s an over 10-time mark up, without a single complaint! I can’t imagine any other home based business being this effective…” — Grandma In New Orleans.
“Thank you, man! My wife hasn’t asked me to go shopping with her for almost 6 months now. It has given much more time for my painting, and for banging our hot neighbour.” — Dickasso.
“I just can’t thank you enough! My wife doesn’t even try to nag anymore; instead she goes in a corner and cries when she gets frustrated. Life is so much less stressful now.” — Bjorn.