Category Archives: Twitter

If you are seeing this, I just want to say that I love you more than a fresh, crisp and succulent mango. Also, I love beer. A lot. I don’t know about you but I can’t wait to see David … Continue reading →

Death is my biggest fear when it comes to autoerotic asphyxiation… a slow painful death for ruining one of my wife’s stockings. It’s not complicated… People who can’t find happiness need to get married, and see their spouses take the … Continue reading →

The best part about the kids going back to school is that we can now go back to not having sex in the afternoons too. Tip! When the doctor’s pills say: ‘One pill every 4 hours’… Try ’4 pills every … Continue reading →

Tip! You cannot sneak a beer fart near a trained cadaver dog even when he is at play in a dog run. Awkward! Trust me. Thanks people! I am home and I have a beer. Supposedly, I am the first … Continue reading →

This morning I tried something called “cereal”. Heard of it? Let me tell you, it’s not half-bad with spicy chicken wings and a cold beer. Wow! This whole being up early is neat; it’s like daytime but sooner! Huh! The … Continue reading →

I love some of you people! Some of you people I read falling asleep at night… Heck, 2 or 3 of you I would trust to babysit my kids. Nite’! What if I wake her up with a drunken back … Continue reading →

Anniversary number 14… Seriously, she has been great for me. I no longer have any white socks, sweat pants, novelty t-shirts or balls. Win… What a wedding anniversary evening! Now what? Any conscious women out there? I’m on a roll! … Continue reading →

Ladies, if you can’t cook, you can get to his heart with take-out Chinese food and later on calling his balls ‘majestic’. You are welcome! A man-sausage measurement app for the iPhone 4 would simply be too cruel. Great day! … Continue reading →

Status: Drunk, pants on, cracking a bottle of whisky and getting ready to watch a Quentin Tarantino movie. Yes, very much sexually inactive. ‘The Elephant Molester of Mozambique’s Silver Park’ is a title you don’t need to include on your … Continue reading →

When I married my wife, wine didn’t come in boxes. Now, that’s true love! Yes, I did once buy a guitar case to carry around to make my man-salami appear 2 inches bigger to the ladies. #FridayConfessions Trim the hedges … Continue reading →