Dog von Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com Twitter, pictures, questions and stories... Fri, 30 Jul 2010 06:29:31 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 2010 – July 28 (Luck with women) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-28/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-28/#comments Wed, 28 Jul 2010 23:23:25 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11328 Continue reading →]]>
  • Tip! You will have better luck with women if you smell and dress nice, talk like a gentleman and shove your 10 inches down a pant leg.
  • While planting bushes, I dug down and thought I hit the Ark of the Covenant. Turns out it was an old wheelbarrow. God disappoints again.
  • I’m not sure if it’s the Viagra or not but I think our neighbour’s lawn ornament of Virgin Mary just winked at me.
  • That special glow a woman has when she’s pregnant or at the beginning of her period and on the way to visit her mother really is beautiful.
  • Wearing her panties is not really a fetish until she finds out, right? Guys?!
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-28/feed/ 0     2010 – July 27 (Electrical dog collar) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-27-electrical-dog-collar/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-27-electrical-dog-collar/#comments Tue, 27 Jul 2010 23:23:28 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11323 Continue reading →]]>
  • Being a “nice daddy” today and not barking at the kids. Related: Wife put fresh batteries in my electrical dog collar this morningzzzzhs.
  • I always wear a hazmat suit when I shoot a clown – that’s how I parole.
  • People, today, I met and chatted up a super-hot stripper at Walmart. Sorry, there’s no punch line – I’m still too shocked to write one.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-27-electrical-dog-collar/feed/ 0     2010 – July 26 (Nightmare about Czechoslovakia) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-26-nightmare-about-czechoslovakia/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-26-nightmare-about-czechoslovakia/#comments Mon, 26 Jul 2010 23:23:58 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11321 Continue reading →]]>
  • It’s horrible waking up to a nightmare about Czechoslovakia only to remember that it doesn’t legally exist anymore. Amirite? Hello!?
  • I rode the short bus tonight! Ok, it was to a volunteer dinner but I have to say, those traffic lights looked so pretty from INSIDE the bus.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-26-nightmare-about-czechoslovakia/feed/ 0     2010 – July 25 (The short bus) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-25/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-25/#comments Sun, 25 Jul 2010 23:23:32 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11144 Continue reading →]]>
  • I rode the short bus tonight! Ok, it was to a volunteer dinner but I have to say, those traffic lights looked so pretty from INSIDE the bus.
  • Steve or Emma, sorry for throwing up at the tweetup – your ass crack or lady-box had nothing to do with it. Tequila… #WhenDMsGoWrong
  • You write a great tweet but forget the possessive noun – the most important part! Your balls shrink in panic and you need vodka. Yeah, that. 
  • I started, and was kicked out of, yoga classes on the same day. “You stay on your own damned mat, freak!” is just a money-grab excuse, right?
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-25/feed/ 0     2010 – July 24 (Wife’s birth canal) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-24/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-24/#comments Sat, 24 Jul 2010 23:23:58 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11074
  • Guys, don’t sweat it. You won’t need a ruler after a baby the size of a suitcase has passed through your wife’s birth canal. You are welcome!
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-24/feed/ 0     2010 – July 23 (Your areolas sweating) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-23/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-23/#comments Fri, 23 Jul 2010 23:23:12 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11076 Continue reading →]]>
  • “Madame, if I may say, your areolas sweating through that 100% polyester blouse makes my tulip sprout.” Yeah, too old-fashioned, right?
  • Coaching my son’s soccer team, I thought moms would be all over me – no! They are always, “The popsicles are for AFTER the game.” Bitches.
  • I saw prairie dogs going at it on Animal Planet. First though: Why are they so damned jittery? Two: I wonder how Lindsay Lohan is doing?
  • Working from home is not bad but I miss the office romances (or “hiding in the stalls of the women’s washrooms” as HR called it).
  • Uterus? Labia? Fallopian Tubes? Perineum? Cliwhatever? Well, yeah, even a new kitchen faucet comes with a five-page manual.
  • Have you ever woken up after a night out and noticed you have a spray tan on your ass only? I know… That can’t be good, can it?
  • TV PSA: “Do you know where your kids are?” Heck, I have no idea… I’m so drunk I don’t even know whose car I drove home.
  • I feel cheated when someone I follow changes their avi from boobs to an eyeball or Brad Pitt’s beard. Sometimes I even lose my erection.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-23/feed/ 0     2010 – July 22 (In your urinal) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-22/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-22/#comments Thu, 22 Jul 2010 23:23:37 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11080 Continue reading →]]>
  • When a dude suddenly throws up in YOUR urinal at the pub – ‘Irish bukkake’. This term was coined 15 minutes ago, after a shoe cleaning.
  • Tip! You never want to be “That guy who was arrested for buying Girl Guide cookies while wearing only a half-eaten liquorice thong.”
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-22/feed/ 0     2010 – July 21 (On your pants) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-21/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-21/#comments Wed, 21 Jul 2010 23:23:54 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11082 Continue reading →]]>
  • If the stripper leaves anything on your pants after a lap dance, it’s no longer technically a “dance”, okay? Write that down.
  • So many stars… It’s like I’m Harry Potter and the wand just exploded in my pants, except that my “wand” is a piece of firewood. Thanks!
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-21/feed/ 0     2010 – July 20 (Marriage to dating) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-20/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-20/#comments Tue, 20 Jul 2010 23:23:05 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11084 Continue reading →]]>
  • I prefer marriage to dating, because I no longer have to sit through romantic comedies featuring Hugh Grant before not getting laid.
  • Ever since I learned to hum the theme song to The Benny Hill Show, I no longer feel aggressive when I see Sarah Palin. Try it.
  • You kids wanted Aunt Jemima pancakes with chocolate chips for dinner? I’m sooo sorry… I thought I heard ‘lobster and scallop crepes’.
  • Poker tonight! Which means, the odds of me also getting laid is at par with Kirstie Alley staying at her current dress size – asstronomical.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-20/feed/ 0     2010 – July 19 (Hot and painful) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-19/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-19/#comments Mon, 19 Jul 2010 23:23:51 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11086 Continue reading →]]>
  • The lawn was mowed finally and it was a hot and painful venture. All things considering, I think my wife did an okay job.
  • Walked in to Walmart for a garden hose – walked out with toilet paper and fishing lures. Yes, I got distracted by all the skin disorders.
  • Luckily, size isn’t everything to all women – being able to make a great, fluffy, omelette is nice too. Related: I suck at all omelettes.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-19/feed/ 0     2010 – July 18 (The damned garbage) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-18/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-18/#comments Sun, 18 Jul 2010 23:23:23 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11088 Continue reading →]]>
  • “No, YOU drag the damned garbage down to the curb, I’m reading tweets!” is what I was thinking… BRB… Dragging garbage down to the curb.
  • I went looking for grenadine for the kids and was shocked to find an unopened bottle of Talisker whisky. Just like that. Best. Sunday. Ever.
  • Mmmm… Eating roasted Iranian jumbo pistachios with saffron… Delicious! In the next conflict, they should hold those babies hostage.
  • Im tryying to writ somethinn pervy an disgustiing but myy finngers keep slipping onn the keybooard.
  • Clowns take a lot of abuse, which is unfair. Yes, they are soulless and smell funny but other than that, they are just like the rest of us.
  • Sneaking upstairs and frying a garlic/thyme lamb chop in anchovy butter for third dessert is tempting… but what if SHE’S not asleep!?
  • I always imagine sticking my gold stars on one of your butt cheeks and then slapping you on the other as friendly, ‘Thanks! More please…’
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-18/feed/ 0     2010 – July 17 (A hopeless romantic) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-17/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-17/#comments Sat, 17 Jul 2010 23:23:24 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11108 Continue reading →]]>
  • A hopeless romantic is someone who accidentally makes the bed squeak too much before the kids are sound asleep, right?
  • Pandora’s box contained all the evils of the word because ouzo made it impossible to keep her legs closed. – Zeus Beerhaze
  • Roses are grey, Violets are grey but I have boner, yes, I bought Viagra from the guy down at the corner.
  • Girlfriend: She steals your heart… Not a girlfriend: She steals your wallet and a kidney before discreetly exiting your hotel room…
  • I love cleaning the garage with the kids because their nimble bodies easily squeeze in to tight places where rusty nails are hiding.
  • That last scrumptious bite of my Sausage Egg McMuffin would not now sit in dog hair on the floor if I have had double D’s.
  • There’s nothing I hate more than misspelled tattoos… Except perhaps face tattoos, prison tattoos and stepping in cat shit.
  • Good morning! I’m feeling good. Tip: Guys, it doesn’t matter which one of the ‘Yours and Mine K-Y’ couples’ lubricants go in the hand.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-17/feed/ 0     2010 – July 16 (Pee standing up) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-16/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-16/#comments Fri, 16 Jul 2010 23:23:41 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11110 Continue reading →]]>
  • I finally got my 5-year-old to pee standing up! However, until he gets his aim right – many trips to the bathrooms at McDonald’s.
  • Apple is giving away cases because of iPhone 4′s weak signal strengths. That’s like Toyota solving break problems with free umbrellas.
  • Making sushi tonight… Riesling and Sake… Yes, if I play my cards right, she will be saying ‘thank you for all the hard work’ in bondage.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-16/feed/ 0     2010 – July 15 (Larry King’s wife) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-15/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-15/#comments Thu, 15 Jul 2010 23:23:28 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11112 Continue reading →]]>
  • Larry King’s wife has now reportedly moved on… to beef jerky.
  • My head is pounding. I figure I should go down the street and wait for a Molson beer truck. Jumping in front of it should cure my hangover.
  • Good morning! From the look of it, I cooked something in the oven last night. I hope it tasted better than my mouth does right now.
  • A few minutes ago, I panicked thinking I had started lactating but on closer inspection, it turns out to be drool. Tweet or shot? Choices…
  • Sponsored tweet: ‘My toe doesn’t hurt no more! Now, I just need a flashlight so I can find the trampoline in the backyard.’ (Grey Goose)
  • People, have you ever thought you were thinking out loud and before you know it – it’s on Twitter? Yeah, I know… damned technology.
  • There! Shots… The Grey Goose is chillin’. One thing is for damned sure. I ain’t getting laid tonight. If I make it to the couch – treat!
  • Fuck this! I’m breaking out the Grey Goose. I apologize for any inappropriate DMs and dated Ally McBeal jokes, in advance.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-15/feed/ 0     2010 – July 14 (Hurts like hell) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-14/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-14/#comments Wed, 14 Jul 2010 23:23:01 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11114 Continue reading →]]>
  • My toe hurts like hell! The pain ceases and I HAVE TO wiggle it to see if it’s better – BAM! pain is back. It’s been going on for hours now.
  • I had a screaming fit nightmare and woke up the whole house. The kids are sobbing and asking their mom questions about Amy Winehouse.
  • Fractured toe, sprained ankle and bruised ego. The cost? $14.00 in peanuts from the E.R. vending machine. Outrageous! #Universal HealthCare
  • Seriously! A fractured toe and I get no pills for it? Cheap bastards! All I received was a half a roll of tape. #Universal HealthCare
  • People, I sprained an ankle and fractured a toe shooting hoops – while sober! Related: The Dalai Lama is a witch with his karma shit.
  • “Lie down on the bed – it’s really swollen.” would have sounded sexier, had my wife not also said, “How are you getting the shoe off?”
  • Which team of drug addicts, rapists and tax evaders won the All-Star Game last night? #MLB
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-14/feed/ 0     2010 – July 13 (The chicken blood) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-13/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-13/#comments Tue, 13 Jul 2010 23:23:51 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11118 Continue reading →]]>
  • Huh! “Do NOT drink the chicken blood” would have made more sense… Anyone else use Google Translator for French recipes?
  • Whenever I see my wife’s boobs, I praise the Lord that my hands are not inside a shark’s digestive system.
  • “Homie, pick up the soap.” #5WordsBeforeSex
  • “Bought a box of wine!” #5WordsBeforeSex
  • The hotness of covering your wife in chocolate syrup and licking her clean loses its thunder once you have changed a few diapers.1
  • Starring your own tweet is the new, “Mommy and Daddy, come see what I did in the potty!” I know… It’s adorable.
  • My dream is to one day become a professional Twitterer. Imagine working in Dalai Lama’s office – more gongs than you can shake a stick at.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-13/feed/ 0     2010 – July 12 (Drop his iPad) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-12/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-12/#comments Mon, 12 Jul 2010 23:23:09 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11120 Continue reading →]]>
  • The best things in life are free: love… sex… seeing an uptight prick drop his iPad and squeal like a school girl.
  • No, YOU stepped in cat poop, dragged it in to the house, didn’t notice until later, washed the floor and shoes, threw up and needed a nap.
  • Tip! You can easily tell if he’s gay by the way he sneaks up behind you and plays with your nipples at the urinals.
  • Oh, it’s not Friday to you? Move to Canada! Every day is Friday here. We also have beer.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-12/feed/ 0     2010 – July 11 (Drink and fornication) http://www.askdog.com/2910-july-11/ http://www.askdog.com/2910-july-11/#comments Sun, 11 Jul 2010 23:23:35 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11122
  • You will have more time for drink and fornication if you simply approach problems assuming that some dumbass screwed it up. – Dalai Beerhaze
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2910-july-11/feed/ 0     2010 – July 10 (My mullet-free areas) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-10/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-10/#comments Sat, 10 Jul 2010 23:23:26 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11124 Continue reading →]]>
  • After today, my 5-year-old will be able to make it 8 feet in the pool. I did end up getting sunburned in my mullet-free areas. Worth it.
  • I wonder what the Olsen twins didn’t eat for breakfast this morning?
  • You could break a dinner plate on the thing stirring in my pants right now.
  • I starred a German tweet even though I could only understand the words ‘aaauw’ and ‘fisting’. I figured she knew what she was talking about.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-10/feed/ 0     2010 – July 9 (Never be attacked) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-9/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-9/#comments Fri, 09 Jul 2010 23:23:45 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11126 Continue reading →]]>
  • The first 4,593 lucky people to star this tweet will never be attacked by a pack of rabid chimps. Good karma provided by an actual lhama!
  • My 5-year-old is reading books. My youngest daughter is making cookies. The teenager isn’t pregnant. Yeah, life is good in this very minute.
  • I just discovered that Astroglide makes the burn blisters on the palm of my hand hurt something fierce. Kinky!
  • I had an explosive grease fire on the BBQ… Had I not been right there, I would be on the news now. The good? My wife says I need a drink.
  • The heat wave is unrelentless and make you feel all disgusting – like meeting up with your mom at a Super 8. I know, those hotels are gross.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-9/feed/ 0     2010 – July 8 (The censored words) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-8/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-8/#comments Thu, 08 Jul 2010 23:23:27 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11128 Continue reading →]]>
  • Ok, I am perplexed… Let’s get back to basics! What are the censored words on Favstar? I offer up: ‘sugar’, ‘puppy’ and ‘telephone’. Go!
  • Vaginal dryness? I tell you… That was not trending in Montreal today – it was hot and sticky! In related news: I love your mom.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-8/feed/ 0     2010 – July 7 (Words on Favstar) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-7/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-7/#comments Wed, 07 Jul 2010 23:23:35 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11130
  • Hmmm… It seems that hot, neighbour, secretly, rearrange or garden gnomes are also on the list of banned words on Favstar. How peculiar!
  • It’s even too hot to sneak over to my neighbour’s and secretly rearrange her garden gnomes.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-7/feed/ 0     2010 – July 6 (Discovering girlie bits) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-6/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-6/#comments Tue, 06 Jul 2010 23:23:45 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11132 Continue reading →]]>
  • I’m watching two of my duplicate Jehovah tweets battle it out on Favstar. I haven’t been this excited since discovering girlie bits.
  • There are no Jehovah’s Witnesses in China and there is lead paint on everything. Think about it.
  • Tip! For fewer teary-eyed toddlers at the next birthday party – hire your clown based on smell only.
  • The Gospel of Thor! Yes, for that I would open the Bible.
  • I’m taking a break if my latest Favstar tweet stalls under 30 – again! Besides, we are all winners on Chatroulette.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-6/feed/ 0     2010 – July 5 (The rug burns) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-5/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-5/#comments Mon, 05 Jul 2010 23:23:15 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11134 Continue reading →]]>
  • I think I’m drunk because the rug burns from crawling back and forth to the beer fridge should be killing me by now.
  • It’s peaceful listening to a teenager’s quiet sobs of regret. Especially when accompanied by an Elvis gospel song.
  • She laughed when grounded… but she has yet to discover that all her iPod contains is Elvis Presley music. iTunes password changed. I WIN!
  • Only 143 days to eggnog season! YES, let it all out! Hang on to that toilet. There you go… You’ll feel better in a bit. You are welcome!
  • What? You are unfollowing me for a tweet about kittens? I don’t even think they are dead. Yet.
  • Ok, now I’m pissed! Who of you crapped in my pool last night? Wait… Oh, never mind, the floaters seem to be kittens. Never mind.
  • Negative thought patterns will not make lost fingers grow back. Explore new patterns, especially in finger painting. – Dalai Beerhaze
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-5/feed/ 0     2010 – July 4 (Remember the count) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-4/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-4/#comments Sun, 04 Jul 2010 23:23:22 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11136 Continue reading →]]>
  • America, remember the count before you set off the fireworks. It’s not 4 and 2… It’s FIVE fingers on each hand!
  • Tip! If serving BBQ’d corn with your steaks – do not suggest a dad’s farting contest in the pool after the meal. Children will be crying.
  • Tomorrow, July 5th: Venezuela’s Independence Day. Honouring that day by drinking even more beer and not shaving my back.
  • I’m celebrating 4th of July by smoking ribs and brisket. Beer. Not peeing in the shallow end of the pool. More beer.
  • What you rarely hear cowboys say: “Son, a real cowboy lactates and breastfeeds his own horse.”
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-4/feed/ 0     2010 – July 3 (Crazy-ass backrub) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-3/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-3/#comments Sat, 03 Jul 2010 23:23:44 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11138 Continue reading →]]>
  • Crazy-ass backrub!
  • The ultimate test is being able to project kindness toward your enemy until you get close enough to kick him in the nuts. – Dalai Beerhaze
  • At the Karaoke bar, I’m the guy who never gets laid, because four dudes in a row did Bryan Adams, leaving me with Maroon 5 and Nickelback.
  • I sat down on and broke one of my Morrissey CDs. I bet I’m the first fan to cut myself – on the ass.
  • I found a Beanie Baby in the garage. It’s not in mint condition but it looks like David Hasselhoff. $480.00 – shipping included. DM me.
  • Some dude kept calling me a Gaylord at the pool this morning because I was wearing my Tilly hat, so I threw my Cosmopolitan in his face.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-3/feed/ 0     2010 – July 2 (God creates skunks) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-2/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-2/#comments Fri, 02 Jul 2010 23:23:54 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11140
  • On the 4,530,264, 574th day, God creates skunks. On the 4,553,345, 235th day, God created Mel Gibson. #Fail
  • The most memorable moment of Canada Day? A stripper tripping on her thong? No, my son wetting himself during the fireworks… #ThugLife
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-2/feed/ 0     2010 – July 1 (Follow you back) http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-1/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-1/#comments Thu, 01 Jul 2010 23:23:41 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11142 Continue reading →]]>
  • Saying “You are missing out if you are only following people that follow you back!” is the new “I’m too awesome to follow you back.”
  • My twitter stream is so slow today… Perhaps everyone on Twitter is secretly Canadian? Well, at least the Dalai Lama is – funny stuff!
  • There is only so much bacon you can make out of one Céline Dion. – English-Canadian proverb
  • We can all transform ourselves into drunker and happier people. I think it’s important to recognize this. – Dalai Beerhaze
  • Laughter is not the best medicine when grandma trips and tumbles down the stairs.
  • The Canadian flag is red and white in honour of all our girls from Nova Scotia who are tanning in Mexico, in this very minute.
  • I’m feeling much better. My cough is almost gone and my wife has again started to blow her vuvuzela when I wake up with wood. Life is good.
  • Today is Canada Day – The day we infuse our bacon with ‘pleases’, ‘thank yous’, ‘sorrys’, ‘excuse mes’ and ‘ehs?’ for the coming year.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-july-1/feed/ 0     2010 – June 30 (Wife’s menstrual cycle) http://www.askdog.com/2010-june-30/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-june-30/#comments Wed, 30 Jun 2010 23:23:02 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11146 Continue reading →]]>
  • The main problem with my wife’s menstrual cycle is that she never gets on it in anger and bikes away a few pounds off her ass.
  • My wife has just ordered me to go down on her dishes or I won’t be getting in to the sweets. Back in a jiffy!
  • I hope to one day be able to afford a fur coat made out of 100% genuine South American soccer players.
  • Son: “Daddy, am I a bathted?” Me: “No! Mommy and daddy made you on the downstairs shag carpet.” Son: “…” Me: “What are you asking again?”
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-june-30/feed/ 0     2010 – June 28 (Clean-shaven and hung) http://www.askdog.com/2010-june-28/ http://www.askdog.com/2010-june-28/#comments Mon, 28 Jun 2010 23:23:54 +0000 Beerhaze http://www.askdog.com/?p=11148 Continue reading →]]>
  • WHAT now?! Is it punctuation or the fact that he’s a clean-shaven and hung Mexican who knows his way around Mojitos?
  • I don’t understand what’s going on… Is it #UnfollowMonday? I didn’t get the memo! Not sure how to fix this… I love fucking Jesus?
  • At least I have never tied a dolphin to a tree. @RefollowTweet
  • Come on! They are just tweets… I love dogs, and my Thai is limited to “Boom boom, yes?” I don’t even smoke – no need to unfollow for that.
  • Dog whispering 101: Get close and softly say in Thai, “Behave or I will turn the back of your skull in to a souvenir ashtray.” It works!
  • Oh, my god have I ever been sick – Southern Comfort-like sick! If I never got around to thanking you for your #FF, I’ll make it up to you.
    • ]]>     http://www.askdog.com/2010-june-28/feed/ 0